If you do get laid off, you’re primary objective is to find new employment for the purpose of replacing the income you lost in the layoff. This list of items are aimed at keeping you qualified, searching out new employment, and collecting unemployment benefits until that new job comes along.

1. Update your resume now! If you are going to need to find a new job, you will need an updated resume. If you’ve been in your current job for a while, it could have been years since the last update. Spend some quality time on the update, capturing relevant skills and experiences gained since your last job search and researching your line of work to identify hot trends and ways your experience aligns with those trends. After you’ve updated the resume, have a trusted friend or colleague (one you are sure won’t disclose that you have updated your resume to others) review it. 
2. Begin reviewing job listings and making contacts with recruiters. Ironically it is a lot easier to find a new job if you already have a job, so now is the best time to start looking and making contacts. With some exceptions, companies looking to fill vacancies now have an absolute need to fill the position (they are as aware of the current economic environment as the rest of us), so it is unlikely you would be jumping from one vulnerable position to another.
3. Get trained up. Do you have a professional certification that required continuing professional education (CPE)? Get as much as you can on your employer’s dime before they kick you to the curb. Many companies have web-based training courses you can access through your company intranet without any upfront cost or supervisor approval required. Take the courses now so you don’t have to pay for the credits yourself to renew your certification.
4. Accelerate any reimbursable expenses. Have memberships to professional organizations coming up for renewal? What about professional licenses that are soon to come due? Go ahead and renew those while you know your employer will pay for it. Keeping your certifications and licenses current will be essential in qualifying for a new job, and access to professional organizations will provide good networking opportunities to find available positions.
5. Research the process for applying for unemployment benefits. If you are a typical middle class American, this will probably be the only good thing your government will ever do for you (and even then it is really paid for by employers), so make sure you know how to take advantage of it if you qualify. Unemployment benefits are administered through state labor departments (just do a search for your state with the terms “department of labor” or “workforce commission”), and application procedures and rules differ by state. It won’t be a huge windfall (when I was on Texas unemployment I got the state maximum of a whopping $378 a week), but every little bit helps.

This wasn’t meant to be an all-inclusive list, but these are the things I think are important based on my own experience. A job loss is a major disruption in your life, and while you can’t completely eliminate the effects of the job loss you can prepare to minimize its impact.

1. Pay back any loans taken on your 401(k). In almost all cases any loans taken from your 401(k) are immediately due when you leave your employer. If you can’t pay it back, you will owe income taxes and penalties on the unpaid amount.
2. Consider accelerating your 401(k) contributions. If you otherwise have a sufficient emergency fund to cover your expenses for an extended period, consider accelerating your 401(k) contributions ahead of your layoff. You have to be actively employed to contribute to your current employer’s plan, and you may be delayed in your ability to contribute to a new employer’s plan, even if you find a new job relatively quickly.
3. Consider accelerating contributions to your Employee Stock Purchase Plan. This will depend on the terms of your plan, but if you participate in an ESPP and leave your employer during the year, you may still be eligible to purchase discounted shares with whatever money you have deposited in the plan up to the date of your termination. I did this several years ago when leaving the big evil oil company I worked for. I knew I was leaving (voluntarily in this instance), so I accelerated by ESPP contributions to the highest percentage possible so I would be maxed out when I left the company. Then at the beginning of the next year I got to purchase shares at a hefty discount with the money I had contributed.

Part 4 about preparations for the next step comes tomorrow…

1. Cut your work-related expenses now. For those of us working for the Man, there are certain expenses that are nearly unavoidable, such as lunches, laundry, and commuting expenses, that aren’t reimbursable by your employer. However, in many cases there are ways to minimize these expenses. Bringing a lunch from home is a great way to reduce expenses, as is packing your own snacks and sodas. Consider forgoing the daily stop at Starbucks. Find a cheaper dry cleaner to reduce laundry expenses. Consider taking public transit or carpooling to reduce commuting expenses. These are things to consider at any point, but especially when your income may be severely reduced in the very near future.
2. Get current on your expenses. Especially if you travel for your job, you probably have quite a few business receipts that you need to submit for reimbursement, but you just haven’t had the time. Make the time! Once you are let go, your ability to submit expenses for reimbursement will be severely limited (if not eliminated), and even if you are allowed to submit expenses they will probably be subjected to a much higher level of scrutiny.
3. Don’t forget about any unused airline tickets and other credits. Did you have to cancel a trip at the last minute for a more pressing client need and were told to just expense the ticket on your next business trip? Well, if you don’t have immediate plans to use that credit, request reimbursement for it now. If asked, just say that money is tight and you can’t afford to front that expense any longer.

Parts 3 and 4 to come…

As much time as many of us spend at the office, it is very easy for us to allow much of our lives to become intertwined with our jobs. We make our workspaces our home away from home. But if you were to be laid off, would you have the opportunity to leave with everything you need? There’s a good chance you would not, as the day you are told will likely be your last day there. It is not uncommon to be escorted to your desk and given five minutes to pack personal belongings and then escorted to the door.

So based on my own experience, here are some things to think about and to take care of if you think a layoff is imminent. I have divided these items into four parts: saving essential information, employment expense issues, retirement and investing account considerations, and preparations for the next steps. This post will include the first of these sections: saving essential information.

As an employee, you have access to a great deal of information in the course of your work. Likewise, you leave quite a bit of your own personal information with your employer, especially on your work-issued computer. Here are a few items to make sure you take what you need and don’t leave behind anything you shouldn’t.

1. Backup your contacts list from your work computer. If you are like I was, you track most of your professional contacts and even many of your personal ones in Outlook on your work computer. This is even more so if you have a BlackBerry or Treo issued by your employer connected to your work email. These contacts will be invaluable to you as you begin the search for your next position, so make sure you print a report of the contacts on your work computer periodically and bring it home. It is also a good idea to export the data to a backup file if you use a compatible email program on your home computer. Also consider bringing home any company/office directory in case you need to contact someone on the inside after you are dismissed. Former coworkers, clients, and other professional contacts are your first step at networking to find a new position, so don’t leave their information behind!
2. Backup any personal files on your work computer. In addition to the numerous spreadsheets and TPS reports that likely clutter your work computer, there are probably many personal files on your computer as well. Make sure to copy these to a USB drive or other removable media and bring them home. Also be sure to copy any personal email you want to hang onto.
3. Delete personal files/emails/bookmarks. After you have copied all of the personal files you wanted and successfully transferred them to your home computer, go back and delete all of those files to keep them from prying eyes later. Also remember that your computer will likely be reused, so save both you and the recipient of your computer some embarrassment and delete your bookmarks. At one of my old clients where I was issued a computer for their office, the bookmarks still included various links discussing the treatment of genital herpes. Talk about awkward!
4. Download copies of your online payroll records. Many companies now only distribute pay statements electronically, so you may want to go and download them before being laid off. These will be important if you need to prove your prior employment or the amount of your pay.
5. Download copies of any relevant human resources policies. Does your company have published policies regarding layoffs and severance packages? It may be a good idea to review and print those policies while you are still an active employee. Armed with this information you can know what you are supposed to get in terms of severance and can challenge your employer if you are offered less.

Parts 2-4 coming in the next few days…

I had already began a job search, but I’m not terribly pleased that the timetable has been accelerated on me. I have several good leads, so hopefully my unemployment is a very temporary situation. It looks like I will be spending the next few weeks job searching and trying to get all my money from the firm, as it already looks like they are going to try and screw me out of about $5500.00 in company matches to my 401k that either have not vested or are not due to be awarded until next February (our firm does company matches as a lump sum rather than as employee contributions are made).

So it looks like my time in Big 4 public accounting has come to an end. On a lighter note, here is a listing of the ways in which being an accountant is like being a prostitute (hence the blog title):

1. You work very odd hours.
2. You are paid a lot of money to keep your client happy.
3. You are paid well but your pimp gets most of the money.
4. You spend a majority of your time in a hotel room.
5. You charge by the hour but your time can be extended.
6. You are not proud of what you do.
7. Creating fantasies for your clients is rewarded.
8. It’s difficult to have a family.
9. You have no job satisfaction.
10. If a client beats you up, the pimp just sends you to another client.
11. You are embarrassed to tell people what you do for a living.
12. People ask you, “What do you do?” and you can’t explain it.
13. Your client pays for your hotel room plus your hourly rate.
14. Your client always wants to know how much you charge and what they get for the money.
15. Your pimp drives nice cars like Mercedes or Jaguars.
16. Your pimp encourages drinking and you become addicted to drugs to ease the pain of it all.
17. You know the pimp is charging more than you are worth but if the client is foolish enough to pay it’s not your problem.
18. When you leave to go see a client, you look great, but return looking like hell (compare your appearance on Monday AM to Friday PM).
19. You are rated on your “performance” in an excruciating ordeal.
20. Even though you get paid the big bucks, it’s the client who walks away smiling.
21. The client always thinks your “cut” of your billing rate is higher than it actually is, and in turn, expects miracles from you.
22. When you deduct your “take” from your billing rate, you constantly wonder if you could get a better deal with another pimp.